Seatplans
by The Subversive
Summary: “What the – ” “No way… No bloody way..” “Seatplans!  But WHY?”  Dumbledore thinks it’s a brilliant plan, Sirius thinks of it a conspiracy... It's totally cliche, and you think you know what's gonna happen... LilyJames and Sirius all over.
1. Chapter 1

**Seatplans**

by _The Subversive_

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**Summary: **"What the – " "No way… No bloody way.." "Seatplans! But WHY???" Dumbledore thinks it's a brilliant plan, Sirius thinks of it a conspiracy, and you think you know what will happen. Lily and James.

**Disclaimer:** Once and for all, everybody in the world knows that the author, creator and grandmaster of the Harry Potter universe is JK Rowling. She is greatly to be credited for Albus Dumbledore's cunning wisdom and Sirius Black's wonderfully drop-dead good looks, and greatly to be blamed for Snape's greasy hair. Characters and story lines not believed to be in the Harry Potter series are mine. So there, don't sue me. –MsWeiRd0

**Author's very important notes: **This is a like a repost, but not really. My amazing friend MsWeiRd0 has granted me rights to rewrite this story, as she wouldn't be anymore. Everything's practically the same, characters and stuff, just a very different execution and plot. So there. You can check the story of the same title out.

**Rating: **T. So expect some things.

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**Chapter 1**

**Conspiracy**

"What the – "

"No way… No bloody way.."

"Seatplans! But WHY???"

Lily's head was swimming in the not so quiet whispers of her classmates' complaints. She was still processing the whole seatplans thing, and her head was throbbing like it was being hit repeatedly by an enormous Transfiguration textbook.

And yeah, waking up that morning to a certain blonde best friend shrieking about her missing pink lace undies was no help either. Not to mention hitting her head in one of the bedposts after the shrieking.

Lily snapped back to reality.

"Seatplans? Why the bloody effing hell seatplans???" Sirius Black's annoying voice resounded loudly in the classroom, much like a screeching muggle microphone.

"I mean really…" he continued, much to the groaning of some and giggling of others, "What kind of sick person would be so cruel to do this?" To this he dropped to his knees and buried his head in his hands…

"Noooooooooooooooooooo…" His voice died out, and emphasized it rather dramatically with prolonged echoes... "ow..ow…ow…owhhhh…"

Lily desperately resisted the urge to smack him upside the head, but it would be too rude she thought, and would require much energy to cross the whole floor just to try to knock some sense into him…which would also be futile, he was a one-way ticket to St. Mungo's mental ward anyway.

She was saved the inconvenience when a certain mister James Potter did if for her.

Queue over-dramatic green-eyed eye-rolling.

"Ow. You prat." Sirius gathered himself. Blabber-mouth mode taking over in five, four, three, two…

"Honestly. I think it's a conspiracy!!! Sirius grabbed a chair and stood on it, putting his best I'm-about-to-say-something-important-so-you-better-bloody-listen face.

"Subjects of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," He paused for effect, "I say this seatplans thing is, is, er… preposterous!"

"Padfoot down this instant!" His friend Remus called, much like a stressed-out father too early in the morning.

"No Moony. Can't you see? They are taking us from our liberty of choosing where to place our lovely, toned, gorgeous bottoms!" Sirius winked at a blonde girl nearby.

James snorted. "Yeah, you forgot humongous."

Sirius was serious now. Seriously injured? In the head? Lily likes to think so.

"Prongs, everybody, people! Don't you see where this is going?" He raised his hands exasperatedly, waiting for someone to pipe in and give him an answer. Peter, their other friend, was oggling at him and looked like he was about to drool. "Oh come on! Don't tell me you can't see what's happening here!"

Lily was getting impatient. "Just tell us then!"

"Alright, Evans. Sheeesh. Hotheaded redheads…" This comment earned him a deathglare from said redhead. He sniggered… "Hothead readhead… Hahahaha…"

Sirius cleared his throat. "We are being suppressed of our rights to freedom of choice! Next thing you know, we'd be forced to line up for lunch, eating gross things those muggles call in their schools food! And then, Quidditch will be banned!!!" he said with a big gasps. "Or, or, no… They can't! What if they REFUSE to put fabric conditioners on our clothes!!! What then?"

"You're being ridiculous, have I told you that?" Remus was patiently telling him.

Sirius ignored the comment. "So let's make a stand!!! Let's tell whoever came up with this we won't!!! What say you?" He asked dramatically… "What say you?!!!"

Cricket, cricket…

"It's a free country!!! WE DIE WITH FREEDOM!!!!" Sirius was posing like he was taken out of an epic movie.

"Sirius Black, get down this instant!" Professor McGonagal's voice boomed as she entered the room.

Everyone quickly cleared the space where Sirius was making the speech of his life.

"Mr. Black, please get down." Even the professor was having a bad day today.

"See! I'm being DICTATED, ORDERED, to get down! What is the world coming in to?!" Sirius continued melodramatically.

McGonagall sighed. "Mister Lupin, please get Mr. Filch and – "

And that was the magic word, as Sirius quickly sat down and stayed like an obedient puppy.

Lily couldn't help but smile.

* * *

"As you may have noticed, on the board," the professor said, pointedly staring at Sirius, who in turn looked behind him to see who she was supposedly looking at, "we are going to have a few changes around here."

Sirius nudged James at his sides and whispered, "I told you so…"

"No mister Black, the house elves will still do your laundry, and yes mister Black, you will still be able to play Quidditch." Sirius brightened at the professor's statements, "but we shall be doing experimental sectioning in classes."

Groans were heard all throughout the class.

"The headmaster thinks it would encourage more," she was choosing her words, "inter-house cooperation and bonding, after the unforgettably repugnant incident in the trains yesterday." Again, the professor looked at Sirius.

Sirius tuned to his left and right to see _who _she was staring at, and after putting two and two together, "Me? What have I got anything to do with _repugnant? _Ughh.. it sounds like a bad name for cologne."

"Padfoot, I think she means the Slytherin thing yesterday." Remus said.

"Huh?" Sirius was confused.

"The compartment, and dungbombs?" James offered.

"Oh." Realization dawned on Sirius. "Oh…" He and James howled in hard laughter.

"I swear. Those midgets had it coming." Sirius said.

"They were twelve!" Lily exclaimed.

"I was twelve too!" Sirius said excitedly.

Can anyone on earth really have a shorter attention span than Sirius Black?

"Professor," Lily's friend Clara shot her hand up.

"Yes Miss Harris?" McGonagall was praying for a change in topic. Where has reason gone!

"Will the seatplans be in effect only to us seventh years?"

"I'm afraid so. It's only experimental. We're going to observe, if there are significant changes with your behavior," again deathglares to Sirius, "then shall the headmaster decide."

"So professor," Remus asked this time, "there will be reorganization in groupings for classes?"

"Yes. So expect a change in your schedules." With a flick of her wand, everyone's new schedules appeared on their desks.

"I would recommend you study these schedules, as they were made with careful thought and consideration. Now everyone please proceed to your respective classes." The professor sat on her desk and began fumbling on a few scrolls of parchment.

James studied his schedule, he had Transfiguration at first period, which was a good thing, he didn't have to get his arse up and go to –

"Potions." Sirius said. "I've got bloody Potions for first period. Wait, shite, double period! I get to see Slughorn's big, round gut first thing in the morning. Great. Spiffing."

"I've got Transfiguration." James said, although it had little to do with comforting.

"Yeah. Me too." Remus glanced at James' schedule, theirs were practically the same.

"That's so unfair!" Sirius pouted. "We only meet for Defense and Charms. Eurgh."

"What've you got, Peter?" Remus asked.

Peter was looking back and forth from his and James' schedule. "Oh man. I don't match! I rarely get to see you at all! I've got Divination right now guys." Peter scurried off before anyone else could say a word.

James spaced out, and a thought occurred to him.

_Lily._

He craned his neck and looked for her red hair, and there she was. Brow furrowed and her schedule almost reaching her nose, she looked bloody fantastic.

James shook his head. He was drowning in her – again. He heaved a deep sigh and slumped back in his chair.

"Do I need to guess?" Remus inquired as he sat beside James, just as the seatplan that just appeared in the board indicated, following James' gaze.

"Nah. Look, what class's she on?" James continued staring at her.

"I don't know. I don't see her name anywhere on the board." Remus was checking and double-checking for Lily's name.

James' stare continued to follow Lily, when she gathered her bag over her shoulder and made to get up. She looked kind of pleased, exiting with her brunette friend smiling. He sighed yet another deeply. "Not ours then." James brought out his quill and parchment.

"Jessica Stam." Remus was squinting his eyes, reading the girl who's supposed to sit at James' right.

James looked at Remus then the board, and it read Jessica Stam indeed. And just then a honey-blonde girl appeared, Barbie's human incarnate and the disposition to go along with it.

"James. Remus." She said with a wide smile, revealing her perfect toothpaste commercial-worthy teeth. She had bright blue eyes and long dangling earrings adorned with shiny pearls and glittering stars. She looked like she stepped out from a clothing magazine. Very minimal clothing, magazine.

"Of course, Jessica. How could I forget?" James nodded and smiled at her. Remus waved, and she waved back ecstatically.

Jessica grinned. "I know! How could you?" She sat down and settled her crocodile handbag delicately behind her. "Digging up ancient history again, are we James?"

"I'm afraid not." James smiled smoothly. He began copying notes from the board, where McGonagall was starting the lesson, transfiguring masses of dust into gorgeous butterflies.

Remus was taking down notes as well, and observing the exchange between the two, "Jessica. How's your dad going?"

If there was one thing Jessica Stam was known for, aside from being astonishingly pretty and tendencies for sarcasm, was her dad. Jessica's father was seeker for the Quidditch British team, which meant being immensely popular, filthy rich, and good-looking for a man nearing his forties.

Jessica shrugged. "Okay I guess. I really didn't get to see him much. He went to Romania for some training and I stayed with my granddad's. Still got the autographed broom, James?"

"Yeah. It's at home." James replied shortly, frowning. He was thinking about something. Something's really missing.

Remus and Jessica were looking at him oddly.

James looked up. "Remus, do you know who Head Boy is?" He asked.

Remus never got to answer as the professor's voice resonated, the three of them looked up.

"Mister Potter? The headmaster wants to see you."

* * *

Lily was walking arm in arm with Clara, smiling to her self. Potions first thing in the morning, nothing beats that. At least she was hoping Professor Slughorn would tone it a notch down with all the "oho!"'s and Slug Club thing. It was getting a little too, put in kind words, tiring.

They entered the classroom together and glanced at the seatplans, thank Merlin Slughorn was yet nowhere to be found, and Lily almost immediately wanted to faint.

Lily was dumbfounded. Her mouth was hanging open, and she was staring at the the board as if she received detention. Okay, a month's worth of detention.

"Lily what's wrong?" Clara asked. She glanced at the seatplans, "Oh there I am. And you're oh… Oh…" Clara's voice faded.

"Yes ladies," a tall, black-haired guy suddenly appeared between them, putting an arm around each of their shoulders, "this is going to be one, awesome year." His grin almost reached his ears.

**A/N: **Short taster. Review as you please. More LJ coming, just having fun with Siri-poo at the moment.


	2. Chapter 2

**Seatplans**

by _The Subversive_

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**Chapter 2**

**Pros and Cons**

_Breathe in, breathe out. _Lily closed her eyes, and whispered in a dangerously low voice, all the while attempting to sound pleasant, "Sirius, you have three seconds to remove your arm around me before I casrate you and feed your gonads to hungry three-headed dogs."

Sirius withdrawed his arms like he just touched fire. "Hothead redhead." Sirius grumbled and went to his seat.

Lily looked at Clara like she was about to cry and run away. "Out of all the people in our batch, Clara, out of all the people, we get to sit with Sirius Black!"

"Aww, poor girl." Clara teased. "Why, would you have preferred James?"

Lily shot the umpteenth deathglare for the day.

* * *

The class settled and Slughorn called out for attendance, and it turned out that half the original Transfiguration class in Gryffindor was with Slytherin. Great joy for all.

Lily was trying hard to concentrate on what Slughron was saying, something about meeting the muggle Prime Minister over the summer. This was a very hard thing to do, especially when Sirius Black was staring at her, and every time she'd look at him he turned away. Then he looked at her again, and looked away if she looked at him, and the whole process of annoyance repeated until Lily finally snapped.

"What is the matter with you?!" Lily yelled, frustrated. Yet Sirius Black was smiling at her, nonchalant, which made her even more livid.

Lily was about to tell him off again when she noticed it was quiet. Really quiet.

_No. No no no no no. _She looked straight front and found Slughorn staring at her, along with the rest of the class at her sudden outbreak.

"I'm sorry professor. I – "

"It's quite alright. I was wrapping up the story anyway. Are you alriight Miss Evans?" Slughorn said.

"Um, yes professor. Sorry." Lily sank back to her seat reddened, her face competing with the color of her hair. It was suddenly so warm in the dungeons.

"Now I have the class' attention, might as well make most of it." Slughorn continued, starting the lesson with how important Potions will be when they graduate.

"Sorry." Sirius muttered under his breath, looking at Lily. Clara looked on, cautious of spontaneous combustion.

Lily narrowed her eyes and pretended not to hear.

Sirius turned to Lily this time, looking at her. "I said I'm sorry."

Lily still ignored him, propping her arm to rest her head on.

"Sheesh. Sometimes you're just like James, you know? Stubborn people."

"I resent that!" Lily shouted, well, as loud as a whisper could allow.

"Right. You really ought to get together. Who knows what miracles might happen." Sirius grinned.

Lily desperately wanted to bang her head on her desk over and over again. She fought the tempting urge to do so.

"Lily, just concentrate. Sirius, please stop, you know it's not helping anybody." Clara joined the whispering.

Sirius looked at Clara agape.

"Yes Sirius?" Clara noticed, and said patiently, with a warm almost-smile.

"I, hmmm…" Sirius frowned. "you sound exactly like Remus. That's what he tells me everytime." He looked quizzically between Clara and Lily, speed so fast anyone would have a headache. "Wait, am I being pranked here?"

"Okaayyy…" Clara said. "I'm quite sure you're perfectly fine Sirius. Oh don't give me that look, I don't mean it like that! What???!!!" Sirius was staring again, but this time at her, unblinkingly.

"Oh nothing." Sirius said. And added, "You and Remus would make a very cute couple."

"Vey cute indeed." Lily added, because vengeance is too sweet to let pass.

"Oh shut up." Clara rolled her eyes and grinned, tuning in to Slughorn.

* * *

"Today, we will be making a potion." Slughorn _finally _started the double period after twenty minutes of rambling to which nobody really bothered to listen to.

"No way. We are?" Sirius commented dryly, albeit quietly. He turned to Lily. "You think Slughorn's got a love life?"

Lily frowned. "Why would you want to know that? Unless, oh Merlin. Sirius Black's – "

"Ugghh Evans. That's just gross, you know. I mean – "

"Sirius m'boy!" Slughorn said loudly. Sirius jumped off his seat.

"Ooohh…Slughorn's boy…" Lily whispered mockingly.

"what Potion shall we be making today?" Slughorn asked. The class waited for an answer.

Sirius looked around and saw Slytherins smiling smugly at him. _How am I supposed to know? _"Sir, we shall be making..." _a potion, duh. But what! Hmmm… love potion? No, we did that last year. A potion for loose bowel movement? Ughhh.. disgusting.. _"I er, ummm…" _what!!!! _Sirius glanced around and saw a bulletin board for the most complex potions. Ever. _Ahah!! _"We'll be making a Verisa, Verati, Ve," _bollocks _"Truth Potion sir!"

"Excellent!" Slughorn boomed. "Excellent work, ten points to Gryffindor." The Slytherins let off groans of resenment.

Sirius sat down. "Hah! Beat that Evans. I'm gonna be teacher's pet, I'm gonna be teacher's pe-et." Sirius was chanting like a child, with his arms extending, circling his front.

"Have you ever been told you're into self-delusion, Sirius?" Clara asked.

Sirius stopped dead in his tracks. "Oh merlin's beard. Remus said that too!!!" Sirius put a hand over his mouth, and dropped it again… "Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…" he began, "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemus and Clara, sitting on a tree,"

The girls rolled their eyes.

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G…"

* * *

They were making the Veritaserum, and with all the universe conspiring against her, Lily got paired up with Sirius. She might have prefered Snape, in all honesty, but at least Sirius was talking to her.

"A dash of this, a big pint of that! Put them together and what have you got? Handsome Sirius stirring a pot!!!" Sirius was sent to stirring duty by Lily, because, well let's just say he can stir.

"You're demented. Clearly demented." Lily stated, while she was carefully measuring ingredients meticulously.

"But wickedly handsomely so." Sirius gave a seductive smile.

Lily shook her head. "No kidding. Just stir Sirius."

"Aye, aye captain!" Sirius saluted. "I am so gonna pass Potions with flying colors, because Lily-kins, Lily-dear, Lily fuh-lu-hower's my Potions partner! Hey that rhymes!!!"

Sirius continued stirring with a rhythm. Lily swore she heard him singing "_to the left, to the left… Sirius Black's stirring up the cauldron to the left…" _She shuddered.

She put everything else needed in the potion, when Slughorn called for her.

"Miss Evans? You're being summoned to the Headmaster's office."

Lily frowned. _Okay. _She shrugged and followed a small boy.

She was about to exit to the door when,

_BAM!!!_

Lily closed her eyes, and was about to turn around and see the commotion if it weren't for the distinct voice of Sirius Black she heard saying "Uh-oh."

Lily looked at the small boy who had returned to see, and asked, "Do I really want to see?"

"Nope." The boy shook his head, obviously laughing.

"That bad huh?" Lily asked again.

"Oh yeah." The boy replied, and they both went to the headmaster's office.

* * *

Lily was escorted to the gargoyle that's to take her to Professor Dumbledore's Office, and the little boy gave her a piece of parchment.

"That's the password. I'll be going now." The boy gave her a small smile.

"Wait, can't you see this?" Lily said, after looking at the parchment.

"Not really. I think the professor's bewtiched it or something." He shrugged.

"Okay. Thanks." She beamed at the boy, who nodded in return and walked off.

Lily said the password to the statue, and it quickly stepped aside to reveal a spiral staricase which Lily jumped in and climbed.

* * *

"Ah, Mister Potter." Dumbledore, the Hogwarts Headmaster, surveyed James with his half-moon spectacles perched on his long crooked nose. "Please sit." He motioned James to a chair, and James obliged.

"Headmaster, may I ask why I'm here?" James said politely.

"Yes. We shall be getting to that, James. May I call you James?" Dumbledore asked, with a twinkle in his eye.

"Sure." James nodded.

"Excellent. Now if you would be so kind to open the door for our companion, we shall start immediately." Dumbledore said while shifting a few scrolls of parchment.

James was sure he hadn't heard anyone knocking, but got up to the door anyway. James opened it, and to his surprise, Lily was standing outside about to knock.

James took her in, her feathered hair framing her face… her deep green eyes. He found himself lost.

"Miss Evans. Come in." Dumbledore's voice called out behind James. "Please sit, the both of you."

Lily stared at James, and he made way for her to get in before closing the heavy wooden doors.

"This may come as quite a surprise to both of you, but we have thought about this immensely." The headmaster began.

James figured _we _meaning him and McGonagall, and probably more teachers, as anything that involved him and Lily requires a lot of thought.

"Considering both your proficiency in your studies and excellent demonstration of your capabilities, we have made a decision to make you our Head Students this year." Dumbledore said.

Silence filled the room.

"What?" She and James suddenly said in unision.

"I assume that both of you _are _more than capable for this job, so I see no reason why not." Dumbledore said, as if answering her almost-thoughts.

There was a tight knot in Lily's chest. _Me? Head Girl? With Potter? _She was frowning and trying to take it all in. She wanted to scream.

Lily stared at the headmaster's spectacles, as if she was seeing him for the first time. She looked at James, who was laid back, relaxed in the chair, but his face gave away contemplation.

"Professor, why haven't we been informed before?" James asked in a cool voice.

_How could he just sit there and be, be composed! _Lily was frantic. It's not that she didn't want to become Head Girl, she's more often fancied it when she was younger, but this. This – Head Girl with Potter. Noooo…

James is not that bad, she knows, it's just that, all, as in _every _single person in the history Hogwarts head students became involved with each other. Involved, if not married!

No. No effing way.

Dumbledore smiled. "I thought I might tell you personally myself. And it did involve a lot of consultation, considering past happenings."

_Past happenings my arse! _Lily was having an internal emotional breakdown. _THIS is a conspiracy!!! There is no way Potter's Head Boy!!!_

"Well, this is not the kind of reaction I expected. Excellent then. The school's in for surprises." Dumbledore gave a smile.

"I'm sorry headmaster. I," Lily began, trying to find words. She glanced at James, who was now looking at her with the most pensive expression. "I mean, this isn't what we expected either." Lily finished.

"Very well. Are you accepting this calling then?" Dumbledore inquired calmly.

Lily was thinking. Was she really going to reject being Head Girl just because Potter was Head Boy? _Pros and cons, Lily, think. Think think think think –_

"Yes." James said beside her. She looked at him and held his gaze.

_Oh to hell with it_. "I - okay."

"Brilliant. Here are your badges," Dumbledore handed them each a badge. Lily looked at it. How could she think twice of this! Of course she wanted to be Head Girl! The badge is just too pretty…

"your duties, and other things," Dumbledore handed James a stack of parchment about an inch thick, "the password to the Heads Dorms are in there as well. If you have any concern, please feel free to approach me."

Lily was staring at her badge, gleaming, reflecting the low light in the room. _I'm Head Girl. _

"I think we're done here. You may go back to your classes now, Miss Evans, Mister Potter."

**

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**A/N: **Shallow chapter. Still building foundations, good stuff on chapter 3. Promise it's fast-paced. Thanks for the lone review. At least I know I should continue coz of the Story Alerts.


	3. Chapter 3

**Seatplans**

by _The Subversive_

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**Dejavu**

Lily and James stepped out of Dumbledore's office, parchments in hands, hands on badges.

They'd just been made Head Students.

James remembered Sirius says Head Boy-ship is ridiculous, "I don't _need _to be Head Boy… I put _stud _in student."

James calls him cheezily mental. Sirius says Peter's bottom is. Remus finds a reason to thank full moons.

James looked at Lily who was still fumbling with her shiny Head Girl badge.

"Wanna check out the dorms?"

Lily looked at him and ceontemplated. "Alright."

They walked silently, neither looking at each other, with _awkwardness _written all over the air.

They reached the painting of the Three Sisters, who started batting their eyelashes at James as soon as they saw him.

James grinned. "Good morning ladies."

The witches, who were depicted having a picnic in a large open field of yellow flowers, eyed him up and down. "Ooh. Head Boy."

"And Girl." Said another one, noticing Lily.

Lily looked at the three, and can't help but think… _Can paintings flirt? Honestly!_

"Are you just going to stand there all day, Mister Head Boy?" one of them asked. She was raising her eyebrows suggestively, and that confirmed Lily's thoughts.

James grinned a mouth-watering grin once more. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Let's see," James went through the thick stack of parchments. "there we go. Password is _jelly tongue" _James finished somewhat quizzically. Who wouldn't with a password like _jelly tongue_?

"Ooh… kinky." The witches giggled, and the life-size painting drew forward.

Lily looked at James with a flirting-with-portraits? look on her face.

"What?" James asked 'innocently'. "After you Head Girl."

Lily stepped through the portrait hole and entered a large common room. Large for two people, anyways. It wasn't lavish, it was simple, yet tasteful. It just screams home.

"This is cozy." James said behind her. He placed the collection of parchments on a coffee table surrounded by a couch and two armchairs.

"Yeah. It's nice." Lily said, inspecting the detailed embelishments on the fireplace. Everything in the room was Griffindor-themed, not too over the top, nothing too fancy. It just oozes elegance in simplicity.

James stared at her. "Lily."

Lily looked up. James has _never _said her first name in such manner before. Ever.

James held her gaze. They were both piercing each others' gazes, neither dares to look away.

"I figured, now that we'd be working all year and all, we should at least be," James though about his next words.

"Civilized?" Lily offered with a smile. She was glad James was making an effort.

"Yeah. That. To each other."

"Sure. I could work with that. Could you?" Lily added, as if posing a challenge.

"Of course." He gave a grin that would make Sirius proud.

"Alright," Lily extended a hand and James took it. "James."

* * *

Lily was sitting with Jessica and Clara for lunch. They were talking animatedly, and the topic of conversation can't just seem to go astray the whole seatplans thing.

Jessica flipped her hair, "I think it's really good, I mean the Seatplans and all. It was kind getting old, seeing your faces twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week." She commented jokingly.

"Har-har." Clara mashed her potatoes with her fork, as a certain Sirius Black hogged all the mashed potatoes in the table. "Lily and I get to sit with, quote, "_the most annoying prat humanity has bestowed earth"."_

Jessica frowned. "Who? Frank Longbottom? I swear that guy won't leave me alone." Jessica searched the crowd of Gryffindors, and sure enough, a round-faced boy with dark brown hair was oggling at her.

"No. Sirius-bloody-Black." Lily interjected. She hasn't told them she made Head Girl, she figured it should be said in a more, appropriate atmosphere.

"Oooh… Nice." Jessica said, flipping her hair again over her shoulder. She was having pumpkin juice for lunch. "He's got really nice hair." She commented nonchalantly.

Lily rolled her eyes. "You and your superficial friends." She added a grin.

Jessica stuck out a tongue.

Oblivious to them, there was a group of boys not too far away oberving their exchange.

"Sirius," James started. "have you ever dated Stam?"

Sirius, who was currently going through his mountain of mashed potatoes, coughed violently and let out a load of half-chewed food that looked like sticky mucus.

"Ew…" Peter resisted the urge to barf.

Sirius wiped his mouth and nose. Apparently his anatomy works differently.

"Stam?" He asked, in an almost incredulous tone. "Jessica Stam? As in English seeker Roger Stam's daughter Jessica Stam?"

"Uh, yeah, I think so." Unfortunately, sarcasm isn't quite effective in text.

Sirius coughed again. "Oh. I thought you meant…" _Stam… who else is Stam…_

"Yes. Let me watch you try to work your way out of this one Padfoot." Remus said not even looking up, while reading today's issue of the daily Prophet.

Sirius grinned. "Of course I know which Stam you're talking about. The pretty – no, hot one. She epitomizes HOTNESS, can you imagine that?"

"Big word Padfoot. Way to go." Remus threw in, still reading the paper.

"Arrghh… but then again, there's only one Jessica Stam I know. And like it would really matter if you knew another one, I mean come on,-"

"Padfoot, focus." James put a hand on front fo Sirius' face just to stop him rambling.

"You've got really nice hands. What lotion – "

"Just answer the question Padfoot." Remus said again.

"Right." Sirius smiled a real-estate-agent smile. "Define, _dated." _

James smiled oh-so-brightly. "I swear, Padfoot I'd kick your balls right now if you had any."

"Good one Prongs. One-zero." Remus said, finally setting the paper down, and reaching for some chicken.

"Alright. I did." Sirius said, abandoning his potatoes and now reaching for chicken, just as Remus had done.

"See. That wasn't too hard, was it?" James said. "Good dog."

"Summer before fifth year." Sirius said amidst his bulging chicken-filled mouth.

Remus offered to translate. "I think it's Sirius summer before fifth year Prongs."

"Interesting." James gulped his pumpkin juice, albeit with much difficulty. "Anything we should know about?"

Sirius frowned. "Hmmmmmmm… Wait, you fancy her?"

"No. She sits next to me."

"That's unfair! Why can't I be in your class? Howcome you get to sit next to her? It's a conspiracy! What wrong have I done to the wizarding world, huh?" Sirius pouted.

"Nothing Padfoot." Peter offered words of comfort. "We don't always get what we want you know."

"Right." Sirius sighed. "There are only three things you need to know about Jessica Stam."

The boys leaned in as Sirius began his dramatic enumeration of Jessica's characteristics like it was cure for lycanthropy.

"Aside from fame and fortune, like duh… One, which is the most obvious, she's too effing hott, all caps, for her own good."

"What do you mean?" Peter asked confused.

"I think he's jealous someone's hotter than him." James offered.

"I so am not. That's like blasphemy Prongs. And that's bad."

"Moving on…" Remus said. _To think I could be finishing essays right now._

"She's not in good terms with her dad. Found out she's been dating almost half the Quidditch team, no, the _professional _Quidditch team, Wormtail. Including assistant coach."

"Ookay…" James managed.

"I know." Sirius added a low whistle. "Hehehehehe…"

"Is that even true? How do you know this?" Remus said inquisitively.

"Trust, Moony. We're pretty close. Why? We'd get to that in a bit." Sirius pulled them in closer, so close their noses were almost touching their plates. Sirius looked around and said in a low voice, "She's adopted. Her mom's a transexual."

Remus smacked him upside the head. "Now you're bluffing!!!"

"Alright, alright." He grinned sheepishly. "That one I made up. So one more left."

Peter huddled closer too eagerly.

"Move a bit Wormtail." James said, and cause Peter's elbow to actually sink in to Sirius' mashed potatoes. At least they _were _mashed potatoes…

"She's a damn…"

They were dying of anticipation.

"good kisser." Sirius finished.

James smacked him in the back of his head. Hard.

"You build things up too much, Sirius." Remus said, returning to his previous eating.

"Ow. That's the third one today!" Sirius rubbed his head.

"You had it coming mate." James smiled sickeningly sweetly.

Sirius made to get up. "That last bit was important." He stood up, and leaning in a bit,

"After all, she was my first."

* * *

The news of Sirius actually losing his _virginity _to said blonde baffled half the Marauders. Two of them actually, as Peter spaced out, apparently still in deep thought. Only consolation prize for everyone is Defense Against Dark Arts, which thankfully didn't require any grouping alterations, so everything so far was getting quite smoothly..

Right.

DADA for seventh years was more difficult than ever, they were being rigorously trained for their NEWTs. Something was quite bizarre though, the professor decided they'd do a recap, on sword fights.

Magicless swordfights.

Why? Nobody really knew, but it was a comforting thought they'd be using wooden swords instead of metal blades of death. That was even more comforting when the professor called out

"Black, Stam."

Sirius groaned. James clapped him hard in the back, and Sirius dragged his feet to where the professor and Jessica were standing in front of the class.

"So… Stam." Sirius teased. They were both looking at each other, hands on their wooden swords, smiling smugly. "Ready to break a nail?"

Jessica had to stiffle a laugh. "Ready to break your balls?" they both grinned. Jessica stepped towards Sirius.

He could smell her rich perfume, her neck almost touching his nose. Jessica whispered low… "Still got some?"

Sirius grinned. He grabbed her waist and pushed her againts him before she pulled away. "Why not check it out yourself?" Now _he _smiled smugly.

"Black, Stam, warning one." the professor called out.

They broke apart and began to duel.

* * *

**A/N: **Filler chap... really busy, i've already plotted out the story, so just execution and wording and stuff...

Dedicated to Laurien1 and JohnMayer1207 for the reviews. 

stick with me!


	4. Chapter 4

**Seatplans**

by _The Subversive_

**Chapter 4**

**There's A Good Reason Why These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet**

_Winter Holidays, Fourth Year_

"And Roger Stam swerves around Winters, a bit difficult curve but he manages, he's reaching for the snitch and –"

The announcer's voice faded away as the crowd of hundred thousands screamed for victory.

James was fourteen, and he was shouting with all his might in joy for what was to be the last English win for the International Quidditch cup.

"James Potter, that is no way to behave." His mother said, clearly annoyed with her almost damaged eardrums.

"Yeah Prongs!!!" Sirius said at the other side of James' mother. "Show some loooovvvee!!!" She rolled her eyes and strolled off to where her husband was.

"We'll see you boys at the party." James' mother said, although she doubted the two boys heard as each were projecting messages to the sky that said _Marry me Stam_.

--

One of the perks of having a rich and popular bloodline was that you get to attend lavish celebrations such as the Quidditch afterparty, and getting to meet rich and powerful people isn't bad at all, especially when it comes with getting away with drinking and underage non-stop partying…

Loud sounds were blaring as James and Sirius entered a big hall, they could see a lot of people mingling, dancing, and just plain having a pretty good time.

Sirius let out a whistle as he oggled at a group of girls far across. "Nice Prongs, just nice."

James and Sirius both grinned as they approached the corner where at least half a dozen girls about their age were giggling and furiously batting eyelashes at them. Blame hormones if you must, but they needed to get there and fast.

"James!"

He and Sirius stopped their magnificent stride and craned necks to see the offending disturber of-

"Crap." James muttered as he saw her mother motioning him over to a group of middle-aged people.

"Next time James." Sirius teased, and clapped his best friend's back for support. "Sirius is flying solo tonight."

James grudgingly took difficult steps towards where his mother was, with his father, a few important-looking people, and Roger Stam. He looked back and saw Sirius shamelessly flirting with the girls practically pouncing on him.

"Roger, this is my son James." James' dad proudly introduced the frowning teenager. James' dad was well-known, as he was a major sponsor for the English team.

A tall man of his early forties was gazing down him, eyes blue and sparkling, deep brown hair gleaming in the dim lighting of the room. "Ah, yes, James, nice to meet you."

"My pleasure, sir." James returned the famous seeker's firm shake with a smile.

"I was quite amused with your professions of love back in the match." Roger said.

James redenned. "Right. About that, sorry sir." James imagined seeing his mother's face right now. _Murder. _

"Call me Roger… and why the apologies? It's appreciated." James' perception of the world was shrinking… Why'd he have to be here again? Oh right. _Propriety._

Feeling a need for change in topic, "James is in his fourth year at Hogwarts." his mother said, beaming. "Youngest player and chaser for Gryffindor."

"A flier too! Talented young man! You've got quite a boy William." Roger said, taking a sip of butterbeer.

"You're daughter's in her fourth year too, am I right?" James' mother asked.

"Yes, yes. Jessica's attending Beauxbatons, but I'm afraid she will be transferring next year to Hogwarts as well." Roger informed, and a young blonde girl appeared beside him.

"Talking about me?" The girl with blonde hair said, revealing a blindingly white row of teeth. Her cheeks were tainted pink, and James wondered if it was make-up. He was staring at Roger's eyes in a pretty girl's body. A very pretty girl's erm, body.

"Yes, darling." Roger put an arm around his daughter, "William, Catherine, this is my daughter Jessica."

Warm welcomes were said, and

"Jessica, meet Mr. and Mrs. Potter, and this is their son James."

--

_Forty minutes later…_

"You're a _virgin?_" Jessica said, as if it was the most preposterous thing in the world.

James was definitely having a bad night, despite winning two galleons from Sirius for the match. He's reddening for the second time, and both cases had been done by both father and daughter Stam. Maybe it's a hidden talent or something…

"Yeah." James said coolly. He was trying to regain his composure, and failing miserably at it.

Fourteen year-old Jessica giggled, and yeah, giggled. She was pretty good at giggling, and James was starting to think that giggling was a prerequitsite for being a hottie. _Girl _hottie.

"What?" James cocked his eyebrow, in a very cocky manner, and leaned against a table.

Jessica regained her composure in a second and calmly asked, "You seriously have not, had, _sex?_"

James shrugged nonchalantly. "Haven't found a girl worthy enough to shag." He grinned.

Jessica laughed lightly. "Right." She took a step towards James.

"You?" James asked smugly, slightly noticing distance difference between them two… _slightly… _

"That's for me to know." Jessica smiled. James was very tempted to do something at that moment, mainly involving clothes and _stuff, _and the way Jessica looked at him made him tense.

She leaned in and closed the gap between the their bodies, sharing a kiss in her dad's office.

When you look at it in a perspective, there was much exchange of mucin, water, proteins and enzymes via the oral cavities. Put quite plainly, they were making out like hell.

They broke apart seconds after, and Jessica smiled. "Don't worry. Nothing's gonna happen. I'm not that girl, am I?"

James only stared, processing what she was talking about.

"You've never been past second base, have you, James?"

"I-" He got cut off as she leaned in the second time around. This time more seconds passed, and -

"Tell me," Jessica said breaking apart, _again_, "blondes, or brunettes?"

James stared at her, lips red and swollen, and shook his head.

Jessica smiled. "Are there any redheads in Hogwarts?"

A pair of green eyes flashed in James' mind.

* * *

"This is awesome."

Sirius flopped himself at James' neatly made King-size bed, successful at what he does best – messing around.

"Sirius you're soiling my sheets." James said, annoyed, yet smiling. He had just let Sirius in the Heads' Dorms, and let's just say Sirius is starting to like it, especially the entrance portrait.

"Right, Mister Head Boy." Sirius kicked off his shoes and made himself comfortable in James' bed. He perched up again, and looked at James with a twinkle in his eye.

"Okay. What are you thinking?" James asked. Sirius and eye-twinkling usually equalled to trouble, and James was praying _not now…_

"Oh nothing." Sirius said, as he sat up on the couch. "I have this theory…"

James groaned as he picked up Sirius' shoes [carefully and set it aside.

"… on _how _Dumbledore selects _Head Students_."

"Right." James put the rather smelly pair of shoes just outside the room.

"Come on. You guys wouldn't be called _Head _students for nothing. It's quite genius actually... Dumbledore simply picks out the students with the biggest heads."

A pillow was painfully hurled at Sirius' direction. Yep, it _did_ hurt.

* * *

Lily set her bag down and turned to her best friends.

"Well?" Jessica said, lied down her bed, stretching her arms like a cat.

They were in the dorms, and Lily called for the two girls promptly after the last bell had rung. She told them it was important, as in _major _news, and usually with intros like that you'd have to please very expecting audience…

"What is it Lily?" Clara also inquired, sitting down her bed. "You know, you have this habit of building up things a little too much…" Clara held up her hand to show how little…

"Couldn't agree more." Jessica added, "Remember last year? You told it was _important,_"

"_Major_" Clara piped in,

"and we found out you lost your quill…" Jessica finished, playing with a thick lock of her hair.

Lily made a Puss-in-Boots-sort-of-when-someone-gets-candy-from-cute-little-children-pouting face, "But that was my favorite quill!"

"Honestly! You've got more quills than the whole school combined…"

"You have more make-up than her quills, Jess." Clara said, reaching for her bag to start an essay.

"Okay! I see your point." Lily resigned. She sat down her bed and looked at the two, Jessica snipping split ends from her golden hair and Clara unrolling a piece of parchment.

Lily sighed. She could hear the shearing sounds of Jess's scissors, the scratching of Clara's quill against the parchment…

"I made Head Girl."

And a deafening sound of silence was heard…

Lily looked at them, Jessica and Clara both froze, and they were staring at each other for at least five seconds…

_Okayyyy.. _Lily thought...

_Four…_

Jessica was still trying to process what Lily said. _Lily's Head Girl?_

_Three…_

Clara blinked, she was remembering something about werewolves from the essay, and then she heard_ Head Girl…_

_Two…_

_Oh my gosh, Lily's Head Girl!_

_One…_

The three were screaming and giggling and making noise, that kind of noise that a bunch of girls make when they hyperventilate because the new Maroon 5 video was debuting on MTV…

"Oh my gosh!!!" Jessica enveloped Lily in a bone-crushing hug, and Clara was smiling widely, essay forgotten.

"I know!" Lily said, feeling a little warm from all the chaos.

"You're Head Girl!" Jessica said, eyes bright and beaming, though it couldn't really compare to Lily's look of pure happiness.

"I know!" Lily said… "I'm Head Girl."

_I'm Head Girl…_

And suddenly the statement seemed to her so, different…

* * *

"It's really true?"

"What?"

Twenty chocolate frogs later, James and Sirius were still in the Heads Dorms talking about the most random things.

"About Jessica, I mean." James continued, tearing wrapper off the chocolate.

"What about her?" Sirius stuffed his mouth, something he was quite proud of, actually, and did most often.

"Sleeping with her." James looked at Sirius through his glasses.

Sirius got up and got a chess board from somewhere. "Nhhh…"

"What?" James asked. Sometimes Sirius' talent could be really annoying.

"Of course. She was my first." Sirius laid out the board on the coffee table. "I lost my virginity to her, she was my first lover, however you want to call it mate."

"Oh. I thought Anne was your first." was all James managed to say.

"I know, man. Jess and I erased everything that summer. Too messy to tell." Sirius moved a pawn forward. "She was really, really good. We were fourteen then, and that's saying something"

They were silent for a moment.

"Listen, Padfoot." James moved also moved a pawn. "I need to tell you soemthing."

"Sure." Sirius said, not taking his eyes off the chess set, clearly in concentration. "About Jessica?"

"Yeah. I've met her before."

"Okay Prongs, vague, but continue." Sirius moved his knight on play.

"I've met her before you've dated her." James contered with a bishop.

Sirius frowned. "She's a transferee, and by that time we were through." He looked up. "You didn't even know I dated her."

"That last bit's true, I don't know what the first bit was for."

"How could you have known her before Hogwarts?" Sirius moved another pawn.

James moved his knight. "Remember the Quidditch party back in fourth year? Winter hols?"

Sirius stared at him and tried to recall. "So you mean,"

"No. Nothing happened that night."

"Oh." Sirius managed.

"I know." James said.

Sirius moved his queen.

"Checkmate."

* * *

**A/N: **I don't think I'll be updating for a few weeks.

Harry & Neville's gonna die?


End file.
